From Grief to Grace: Living with Loss and Choosing Hope

---

---

From Grief to Grace: Living with Loss and Choosing Hope

I’ve written before about the loss of my brother to suicide, but as this year’s National Suicide Awareness Month comes to a close, I felt called to share more of my journey. Grief changes over time — it softens in some ways, but it never disappears. This reflection is both a continuation of what I’ve already shared and a reminder that hope and healing can coexist with loss.

Today marks the end of National Suicide Awareness Month, but for those grieving the loss of someone to suicide, the grief never really ends. It can feel relentless — a constant undercurrent beneath the surface of daily life.

Grieving a loved one who died by suicide is different. It’s not only the heartbreak of losing someone you loved, but also the complex emotions that come with it: What did I miss? What if I had called at that moment? Did I love them enough? The questions swirl endlessly, and the weight of them can feel crushing.

In 2017, I lost my closest brother when he took his own life. My brother — quick to laugh, thoughtful, and endlessly generous — reached a place where he felt there was no other way to find peace. I still wrestle with the guilt and the endless “what ifs,” even now, years later.

We will miss the little things most: laughing at grammar mistakes, swapping stories, and the joy of watching Iyan grow up with his uncle by his side. Those are the memories that still bring both tears and smiles.

Though the raw edges of grief have softened, it lingers quietly in the background of my everyday life. Our family keeps his memory alive in our conversations, remembering his humor, his quirks, and the love he poured into us. Holding on to those stories brings comfort, even as the ache of loss remains.

And slowly, despite the stigma surrounding suicide, we’ve learned to talk about what happened. It hasn’t been easy, but acknowledging the truth has helped us heal. We’ve had to learn to carry on, reshaped by loss and marked by scars that never fully fade.

“There are so many of ‘our’ things we haven’t done — Red Velvet cheesecake, dinner at Gloria’s, Thursday night bingo, laughing at signs with bad grammar. Life feels so lonely without you. I never understood grief until you were gone, and now I understand it all too well. Every day I think of the what-ifs and if-onlys, and I wish I could go back and make sure you knew just how loved you were.”
(excerpt from my 2019 heavenly birthday message to my brother)

There are people right now fighting off thoughts of suicide and survivors of suicide just trying to make it through the day. Don’t miss an opportunity to make someone else feel valued or special.

As we close out National Suicide Awareness Month, I share this in honor of my brother and for anyone who has lost someone to suicide or is struggling themselves. Please know you are not alone.

If you or someone you love is in crisis, help is available. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — 24/7, confidential, and free.

With love and remembrance,
Valerie